The Move

Well, I'm almost completely settled into my new home. My full size bed, my wooden stand and maybe my television and DVD player need to be brought down in a trailor, but everything else I have has been moved and settled in so far. Still organizing the moving things around, but so far so good. Tomorrow makes it a week. I will be traveling to Cambridge tomorrow to complete my last day of work at KFC, then starting at Taco Bell on Thursday most likely. I'm excited for another work opportunity.

Yesterday Jay and I traveled to pick up a few last things, and also what I was fearing the most: Bringing the cat. Murphy put up a massive fight to get into the cat carrier and I am very surprised he didn't scratch me in the process. He meowed a lot the first half hour but did settled down most of the rest of the drive. Other than a peeing insident he did better than I thought he would. Jay drove, and he kept me calm the whole time. I give him massive props. He's so patient even when I am freaking out.

Murphy surprised me a lot. Instead of staying in the carrier or in one room hiding the whole time he began exploring around the house almost instantly. Less than two hour later he was sitting at the end of the couch cleaning himself up while Jay and I watched television. He even curled up with us and purred.

Jay and I are sleep deprived today. The worst of everything has been keeping him from the bedroom. Murphy still thinks he is the king of the house. He cried and pawed at the door all evening long. At 4 this morning he managed to open the door on his own and make his move into the bedroom. I finally came out to the living room and slept on the couch in hopes of giving Jay at least 3 hours of sleep, but that didn't happen at all. He continued to cry until about 10 this morning when I finally got up.

Thankfully he has used the litter box and has ate food and drank water. My big concern has been the fear of him starting to pee around the house, even though he never did it at my parents' house what-so-ever I guess you never know at a newer home. While I did some laundry and made up the spare bed for him in hopes he'd see it as his room (which he has, only he likes to be under the bed instead).

Jay and I went to lunch and I have come back to find him snoozing under the twin bed and very quiet. I never thought I would love the quietness. I'll be spending today buying a few grocery items and doing more laundry. In a week we have accumulated more laundry than I ever thought we would that soon. I'll slow be cleaning here shortly and putting dishes away.

So far I am really liking Chillicothe. Hopefully I make some new friends soon and start enjoying it even more than I already do.

Knitting!

Well, finals are done, school is done, and I am officially doing things for myself again! Tonight, after two days of talking about it, I finally broke out my knitting. I am working on a blanket that will be red, silver and black. I took a design from a book and tweeked the sizes of the panels a little to make something more along the lines of what I want. I cannot wait to post a picture of it when it is all completed. Hopefully after it is done I can either start knitting another blanket (For my friend Jodie, who is having a boy in August!) or start sewing again. I finally realized that I have a lot of started projects but not enough completed ones. Looks like I will be keeping myself busy when I make my big move.

Right now, it is nearly four and I have been running on 4 hours of sleep and up since before 8 this morning. Heading to bed, just wanted to giive a quick update!

Soon-To-Be's

My life is going to change dramatically in the next month. 1) I will be moving over 2 hours away from home. 2) I will have a new job (another fast food place but it is a start away from home I suppose) and 3) Murphy is going to have a huge hissy fit, which will cause me massive anxiety. I left Tuesday night and surprised Jay at home and I came back this afternoon (Friday) to go to work. He has been a massive snuggle bug since I came home. The last time I left, just a week ago, and returned I woke up the following morning with him snuggled up against my back. Usually he is at my feet when I wake up, but here lately he has been missing me. I hate leaving him at home for a few days at a time. I feel sad when he isn't attached to my hip meowing demands at me.

I have a list of things I need to do after I am done with school. 1) Finish my knitting project. 2) Finish my quilt I started in February. 3) Finish the other quilts I started and never finished, haha. 4) Start my cookbook I want to make for myself. 5) Begin Jodie's baby blanket. 6) Read from my Kindle. 7) Start walking to lose weight. 8) Save some money. 9) Come up with newer recipes. 10) Get a tan.

First, I have to finish my seminar, write a 6-8 page paper over "Spirited Away", complete a take-home final for theatre and take a final for my other English class. I think I can do it! :)

Easter = Food = Cooking Ideas = Other Possibilities!

Today I spent my Easter Holiday working for nearly 6 hours right in the middle of all the family and food festivities everyone was enjoying. The money is good, the work wasn't too difficult. We were slow today so it was a dull day, but in the middle of the small talk with co-workers I realized a few things.

I need to create a recipe book for myself. I need to write down all my favorite recipes my mother makes before I move out, and keep them in a small book or something. I have a list of things to write down and place together, I just have to do it. Hopefully sometime this week I will find the time to do just that.

Before I filled up on food from work and ate a portion of my Cookies and Cream Easter bunny my mother bought for me (therefore I feel like a fat pig right now, and very lethargic) I was sad I didn't get to make anything for anyone this Easter. I am usually making Oreo Dirt Dessert or helping my mom make something for the family but this year I didn't have the opportunity to do that.

Cathy, our new manager at work was talking about cheesecake brownies. She said she has experimented over the yeras and simply put together two of her favorite recipes into one. I love cheesecake and I love brownies, so hopefully I will get to try this awesome dessert she says she may bring in for everyone before I leave. It sounds really good, and makes me half tempted to search for a recipe related to it to try and make it.

Next Step

Well, I came home from work this evening and sat down to watch some Netflix. It is an addiction, I swear! Maybe it was fate, but I have no idea, my laptop decides it is going to restart. Instead of going right back into Netflix when it rebooted, I started searching the net for job openings. After over two hours I applied for three, and plan on applying for more, but we shall see how that goes. Right now I keep hoping to get a phone call for an interview (especially from two of the places I applied for) and then the journey comes to scheduling an interview, or multiple interviews...I keep wondering how this is all going to work out between my current schedule but something will work out...it always does. I am also currently making a list of to-dos yet again, and also lists of random things in general at the current time. They are lists of things I should not be worrying about right now, but I am. Due to nerves, excitement and wonder I am making lists for lists, if that makes any sense. Right now I would love to jump one month into the future, because in one month (hard to believe) I will be finished with school, and soon taking a vacation week from work and going to Chicago with Jay. It will be a new experience, considering I have never been West of Kentucky in my life. I am always traveling south or east it seems. I am looking forward to the time away from Ohio and spending the time with Jay and meeting up with a few of his friends. Murphy is in for a life change as well, and actually has been for the past four or five months. Due to the distance between Jay and I the traveling I have been doing has more than doubled, even tripled since before we started dating. I use to be home nearly every night by eleven (usually because of work) but now I have been gone for at least two or three nights at a time, and once even nearly a week. He has been more clingy and lovey in the past few months, but also his temper has come out of him. I swear, I came home from a six day stay at Jay's, was home for about two hours, and once I put my uniform on to go to work Murphy wanted some loving. I petted him and started to head downt he stairs and the cat literally threw a fit! He meowed his disappointment and leaped for attack! I still have a slight scar to prove it. I am hoping here soon he can be with me again every night, or nearly every night. I miss him when I am away from home, more than anyone may be able to imagine. I think Jay thinks he is just a cat, but Murphy and I are pretty much each other's best friend. Every time I have ever needed someone to be there for me he has. He was with me when my grandparents died, when I had mono, when I graduated high school, when I started college, when I broke up with Jeremy after a 7 year relationship and was there to snuggle with me during my nights I cried, and will be here for me when I graduate college and take that next step in life. I hate to uproot him from the home he has always known, but I am sure he will adjust, and most likely will adjust much faster than I will. It is all going to be a new experience all in itself, and the nerves and the excitement is overwhelming. I pray to God every night he can get me through this and keep my sanity.

Right Now...

Just a quick little post before I head on to bed. It is late, I just made a list of daily to-dos to help reduce the big picture that has been causing me to freak out the past few days. I made it much more simpler. Instead of hourly I did just two or three tasks to complete, which made me feel much better about what I have to do for the next 22 days! Right now I am thinking about how lucky I am. Each day I keep thinking about how I am truely blessed to have such a great guy that makes me laugh and smile. He keeps me on my toes, that is for sure! Jay constantly has something on his mind, something brewing in that noggin of his. There seems to be some idea or some type of contemplation that always sticks to his brain, and he in turn makes me think and ponder, too, about things I never thought I would ponder over. I always look forward to our conversations on the phone, because at least once a night I will laugh at a joke or something corney he says. I have never been treated so decent in my life. He is a true gentleman, and like he said, "Chivelry is not dead!" He has proved that one to me by far! The little things he does to make me feel special seriously make me smile from ear to ear. I never dreamed I would ever be this happy, and each day I find myself wondering why I am so lucky and so blessed to have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for!

So Much to Do

I always make lists of things to do, plus I break down my weeks into hours of "operation". I make myself an hourly schedule for the day and try to follow it. Usually I end up over estimating how long something will take. Right now I am trying to get myself to calm down over all the thing that I need to do in the next 23 days, and sadly most of what I have to do is due by the 25th. Too much to do, and so little time! I need to research some more for seminar, plus write about 10 more pages to reach my 25. I also have to research another topic for my Religion class and present on it. For my theatre class, there is so much to do! Between finishing the script, drawing the costumes, planning the music and lighting, drawing out the stage, drawing the setting how I picture it and make a poster for the advertisment of my play I have a lot to do. With my American literature class I have a paper due but it will not be too bad thankfully. I can have that done in a few hours. It is crunch time and I am not enjoying it what-so-ever. I would much rather be snuggling with Murphy, knitting or quilting or spending my free time with Jay. I have to look at the bright side of things that I am nearly done with school, that in the next few weeks I can spend my free time doing those things, plus looking for a job, which will be the most difficult part of all I do believe. Hopefully I can keep my sanity, and be able to stay calm. Wish me luck!

My Bucket List

I just finished up watching Toy Story 3, and I must say it is absolutally adorable! It made me think of the little animal figures I played with for hours at a time, and in fact I still have at least 20 of them. Thinking back in my life, and also watching Andy drive off on his way to college, it made me think of my past, but also a lot about my future. My future seems to be the big theme here lately, and instead of sitting here worrying about where I will be working or living in the next six months, I want to think about the list of things I want to accomplish in my life. The title represents the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, but the list mainly makes me think of the movie A Walk to Remember with Mandy Moore.

• Publish a book, whether it be successful or a total flop.


• Foster at least one animal in my lifetime, whether it be dog, cat, guinea pig or rat. I do not care.


• Make a quilt for everyone that I love.


• Make yarn baby blankets for every baby born to a close family member or friend, and everytime I do think of my Grandma Gebhart at least once.


• Have a small room dedicated to my yarn and fabric supplies.


• Live to see when there is a cure for cancer.


• Pass down the ring on my right hand to my first born daughter/granddaughter.


• Take Murphy with me to wherever I call home as long as he lives.


• Own as many Disney movies I can get my hands on.


• Find time to read at least one novel a month.


• Visit the beach once every five years.


• Learn how to crochet.


• Grow my hair out and donate it to Locks of Love once.


• Have a spider plant and give the "babies" to anyone who wants one, too.


• Try Sushi.


• Visit Italy or Tuscany, or both.


• Go back to school for a different degree.


• Study another novel and write an article (like Senior Seminar).


• Go to a Buckeyes football game.


• Volunteer at the animal shelter.


• See Elliot and Adelyn.


• Pierce my ears for the second time, maybe a third time.


• Make potato soup like my grandfather made.


• Keep my Grandma and Grandfather's pictures in my home.


• Make a scrapbook for each child I have from the time they are babies until they are adults.


• Swim with a dolphin.


• Touch a cub to a large cat (tiger, lion, leopard, etc.).


• Visit one of the best water parks in the USA (and be thin!)

My number one would be to live a happy life, with the people I love and care for most, whomever they may be. I want to spend my life laughing and enjoying things that make me happy.

Realization

Tonight I came to a realzation: There are 31 days left to complete my college career. I find it absolutally astonishing! Seems like yesterday I walked into my first college class as a Senior in high school back in 2005 completely paranoid and freaked out by the fact I was actually taking COLLEGE classes. Here I am almost 6 years later about to graduate with a bachelor's degree in English. I think the hard part will officially begin now. Finding that job, moving all my belongings, forcing myself and Murphy to get use to a new environment, getting use to a new job, managing my bills on my salary alone and going on with my life. I am struggling just trying to finish seminar up and manage it with the last projects of my other semester classes. It will be a huge relief to be able to print out my completed seminar and walk it to my instructor's office and turn it in. Even after my 7 minute presenation on my subject is over with, I will feel even more relieved. Tonight I simply cannot get myself to focus on the subject. Tomorrow will hopefully be a more productive day in the steps to completing it. My goal tomorrow is to go through and edit what I already have done (if I do not decide to completely rewrite the whole thing out of frustration) insert more sources where I need them to help explain my points, and also to complete some more pages for it. Over the weekend I plan on bushing up on the actual novel and finding more ideas to help me complete my research. I never thought I could write a 20-25 page paper in my life. Right now I am trying to figure out how I am going to condense it to simply 20-25 pages. I haven't even begun to analyze the second main character in my research and I have over 10 pages now. I think it is time to go relax and snuggle up with the kitty. I was at Jay's all weekend and Murphy has missed me since I left. He has kept a close eye on me since I came home, and even when I come back home from being away for a few hours at work or school he continues to keep close just in case I sneak off away from him again. I do not know what he is going to do when we move into our own place. I have a strong feeling it will be a long process in introducing him to a new home. He has been at my parents' since he was almost three months old. He has established a routine here and has his comfort zones. I hope he surprises me and adjusts well to the new changes that are to come in the future.

Learning Experience

The past few hours has been a learning experience all in it's own. Tonight I finally broke down and decided to look up jobs. I decided to start small, and knowing I want away from my small town I decided to look in Chillicothe, the only other territory I am more familiar with besides Muskingum County. I discovered that there are indeed many jobs focusing in the medical field, management jobs and LOTS of opportunities at food industries. I had to crack a smile at some of the listings I found. At least I know I can find a job somewhere out there. Will it pay for student loans, an apartment, a car payment, car insurance, food and other expenses? Not even close, but if I ever do get bored I am sure I can find a small part-time job two or three days a week. I also decided to finally sit down and type out a draft to a resume. I was not looking forward to this. My GPA isn't near where I would like it to be at, and due to this I have become slightly depressed at the thought of not being able to find a job. I have my fingers crossed that my work experience will benefact me down the road. I do pride myself in trying new things and doing the best I can at what I do. Also, with my job inquiring, I discovered that thanks to my work experience with handling money and a cash drawer, I am qualified to work at a bank! I have often thought about applying at a bank to have some more work experience, plus one to where you have to dress more professionally than the other places of employment I have worked at. Out of the three, two required a strict uniform, and my very first job I could go to work in sweat pants and a hoodie because it was behind the scenes work. I enjoy dressing up and looking presentable to the public. Not only would I have to look presentable, but this type of job would also give me a good excuse to go spend some money on clothes! So far my resume is a draft, and my friend Jodie, who has worked mulitple different jobs in different areas of skills (examples: She is a qualified teacher, yet she has worked in Retail, in Hotels and as Management), is taking a glance at it to see how good of a job I did. It has been about six years since I last had to make a resume. Tomorrow I plan on finding my resume I made in high school and editing my current one I just put over an hour's worth of time into. I am also going to be looking for other job opportunities. I plan on compositing a list of places I can/would like to apply to and also what zip code I would like to apply to. Right now I have some decision making to do. Apply anywhere, apply where I am most comfortable, apply in familiar territory, or apply at home (applying at home is my very last and least thought about option). I cannot wait until this whole job search is over with. I seriously cannot wait to go apartment searching! A dream would be to have an apartment with a friend, but depending on where I go that may or may not be an option. I am not the greatest person when it comes to decision making, I always try to make the other people around me happy, but I have put my fist down and have decided Murphy is not being left at my parents' house for more than a month after I find that job that will help me better myself and my future. He has been part of my life for too long, and will continue to be in my life (and the place I call home) until his dying day. There is no if, ands or buts about that. No one will change my mind when it comes to him! I will find an apartment that allows me to have him. I will not settle for a place that will not allow me to have him. I have learned something else today...I do a lot of venting while blogging...But I love it!

Exhausted

The past month or so I have noticed anxiety building up, and I have noticed changes in my body that have no happened in over a year to seven years. When I would feel nervous I would start to break out in red blotches on my shoulders and chest, and sometimes on my back. Recently, I started feeling anxious and uncomfortable, and those red spots returned, only this time they were super red and it was one big blotch all over my chest. I felt dizzy again, paniced, and drained. This happened more than once. One day last week Nichole and I decided to meet at Taco Bell for dinner, and I noticed I was shaking for no reason what so ever. When we ordered I felt displaced, and within a few moments of sitting down I felt a wave of absolute dread and panic hit me. This was what drew the line. I went to the doctor and had a new prescription wrote for anxiety medication.

I had been doing well without it. Over 6 months without it, feeling great, and then suddenly all the anxieties of life just come crashing down. Between work and school, money issues and having to even do my own laundry and clean my room and my car it all has just bottled up and seems to have exploded into pure dread. The doctor said I should have stayed on my medication when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. To be honest, I felt better off of it until the hot flashes, red blotches, the dizziness and the sudden feeling of absolute dread (which leads to feeling like you are going to die) exploded on me. I have been taking the medicine for over a week now, and, yes, I am feeling better, but what started when I was first on the medication (Lexipro) is constantly being exhausted and tired.

I noticed it this morning. I slept through my alarm, once again missing my 9 am class. In fact, I slept until 11:30, had to get dressed and drive over to the school for my noon class. Surprisingly I was only two minutes behind, and the professor was still taking attendence. What luck.

I slept over 10 hours straight last night, and you would figure that after 10 hours of sleep and only being awake for 12 hours and hardly doing anything for the day I could keep going. Once 11 pm hit I have been exhausted. I forced myself to do two hours of reading research for my Seminar a little while ago.

It is nice that I am not having the out of control dread feeling and I am not dizzy, but this whole tired issue is really making me angry. Last time I went through this, it took three months for me to adjust. I do not know how many times I missed my 11 am class when I first started on this medication over a year and a half ago. Until that point in my college career I rarely missed any class. I had the occasional migrain I would get, but I usually went to school. Take some pain medication and go. I cannot wait until this exhaustion feeling goes away. Even after working for 2 hours this afternoon on research for my seminar paper, and reading the pieces I printed off to help me write my Seminar I feel like I have not accomplished a single thing.

Not this weekend but the following weekend I am planning on taking another trip to Chillicothe and spending my Saturday working on my Seminar project up there. God Bless Jay for allowing me to come up and make his home my own quiet study place while he is at work. He has encouraged me to keep going with my Seminar and has helped me see more light at the end of the tunnel to this semester. It is hard to believe but in 6 weeks I will have a Bachelor's Degree in English. What am I going to do with it? God only knows. Hopefully, I will find a great job here soon so I can move on with my life. I am excited and nervous. I cannot wait to have a place of my own to call home for Murphy and I. I cannot wait to experience the thrill and anxiety of moving all my belongings to another place and actually have friends over for an evening of games and/or movies and have a few drinks over conversations, or have Jay come visit me at my own place for a weekend. When I am at his house I miss Murphy all the time. I would love to have Murphy and Jay near me together.

Jay came down yesterday for a day, and I finally got to try Tuna Steak with Dill Sauce at The Forym. I must say, I think Jay has me hooked. I have never had warm tuna, and the Dill Sauce made it even better. I think I kind of understand why relish goes well with tuna now. Now that I have an idea on how Jay likes his Tuna Steaks and the type of sauce he likes I think I will attempt it. Should be a fun experience.

Before we went to The Forum for dinner, I picked Jay up at KFC (which conveniently is right off the interestate) and I took him to Downtown Arena, yet again another locally owned place. We watched March Madness, then watched a movie at my house, full of crazy dogs trying to not only cuddle with Jay but also barking at him everytime he placed his arm around me. We watched "Grown Ups" and he talked to my dad about golfing for a little while. After we ate dinner at The Forum, we drove out to Salt Fork and sat by the fire. Basically we kind of relived our first date since we went to The Forum for dinner and then out to Salt Fork to have some quiet time to talk to each other.

Well, it is going on 2 am, and I have to get up and get a move on tomorrow morning. I not only have to have 10 pages of my Seminar completed by Thursday morning to discuss with my professor (I never reached my goal if you cannot tell) but I also have to have a rough draft of a 3 page paper completed for tomorrow afternoon but also a 5 page research paper due Friday. This week is seriously just crazy busy. Next week will be much smoother. I plan on getting a lot of Seminar done this weekend, which includes more research and more chapter analysis over Great Expectations. I am ready to say Goodnight!

Home From My Vacation

Well, I didn't exactly take a vacation, but I would still like to say I did. Instead of spending all of my Spring Break working or sitting around my house I spent 5 days and 6 nights in Chillicothe. It was really nice to sit in a quiet house during the day with no barking dogs or someone telling me to come down stairs for a moment, which can turn into an hour or more. I didn't have to listen to MTV when I woke up in the morning. Pure silence...Well, almost pure silence. Some days there were rain, but I did notice I heard a train quiet a bit in the area whistling its approach.

The best part about my time away from home was spending what time I could with Jay. We went out to dinner and lunch, I made dinner for us, we watched "Troy" with Brad Pitt as the star (yet, I must say I think Orlando Bloom was the handsome one of the two), talked and he played the guitar. Sunday we went to the bowling alley, met up with his friend Ben and we ate pizza and bowled. Jay's last game was the best ever. He bowled over 200 (right now my brain and I are arguing if it was 211 or 214, or if it is either of those). We also went to his parents' house on Sunday night for their annual dinner night (usually pizza) and his mom told the interesting ghost stories that happen in the house, one Jay never knew about till that evening, and believe me it sent shivers up my back.

While he was working, I spent my days enjoying the quiet. One day I didn't turn on anything for background noise until well after 5. I remember working on the dishes and decided I needed something to listen to. I put in "Marlie and Me" and got to work. Throughout that day I did laundry for Jay, too, and doing laundry for someone else is a lot easier and more motivating than doing it for yourself. I hate doing my own laundry. I absolutally hate folding it and putting it away. A lot of the time my jeans and hoodies sit in the clothes basket after I bring them up. I also can never find my socks. Anymore I pretty much just buy a large bag of socks and probably will wear them once before they get up and walk away from the laundry pile. I had also made no bakes twice while I was there, so I cleaned up that mess, twice.

The biggest accomplishment I made while I was at Jay's would have to be the subject of my seminar paper. I worked for over 5 hours on it, and managed to crank out almost a full 5 pages. I was a paragraph short of having 5 pages. I do have an outline for information for my next subject I wish to discuss in it, and I need to do some more research in order to do that. My goal by next Friday is to have 10 pages of seminar complete. I will be spending a great majority of my time in the library this week. I need some book sources. Right now I only have 4 or 5 internet sources for the subject plus the seminar book itself, "Great Expectations."

My fun project while I was at Jay's is my knitting, which was a lot of the reason why I decided to update my blog. It is currently 5:30 am, and thankfully I do not have to work until 6 pm tomorrow night. I will be taking advantage of my extra time snoozing! I started a blanket while I was at Jay's. Last night (Wednesday night) I completed the 45 rows of my first color, and started on my second color while I was up there, and I do remember when I packed up this morning I had 15 rows of my second color left to finish. Right now I am at 25 rows into my 4th color. So, in the process of 5 hours I knitted 85 rows. I am pretty excited. Tonight's goal is to have the panel of 6 colors completed. This blanket is going to be huge! I cannot wait to have it all completely finished. The biggest reward when it is all said and done with is when you get to snuggle with your finished work, unless of course you are giving it to someone.

Well, I do believe it is about snooze time. Murphy is at the foot of the bed ready to snuggle. He was very excited when I came home for the hour and a half I was home before I left for work. When he saw me walking around with my work uniform and keys in hand he was in a mood! I mean a MOOD! He is ready to snuggle with Mama. I really did miss him while I was away. Oh, in case anyone was curious about the tuna steak recipe, we never managed to go to the store together and decide on a recipe. Hopefully next visit I made to Chillicothe I can figure out a recipe and have a really great meal. It will be a challenge that I am looking forward to! I've never had tuna that was not right out of the can before.

Chili, Cornbread and No Bakes

In the past 2 hours I have spent my time making chili and no bakes, but also cleaning up the house and doing a little bit of laundry. No, not everything is cleaned up and finished, but it is a start.

My chili is really basic. A large bottle/can of tomato juice, 1-2 pounds of hamburger, a can of kidney beans and also a packet of Chili-O. What I also like to add to the chili is a can of finely diced tomatos, and a can of whole sweet corn. Right now I have my corn bread mixed and on a greased pan (recipe provided by Quaker on the back of the cornmeal container). I'm just waiting until dinner time to bake it for the 20 to 25 minutes.

My biggest success today was my no baked cookies. I found a recipe on my favorite cooking site (http://www.grouprecipes.com/) and I followed the directions. Even after 2 days of being set out, the cookies never hardened and had to be eaten with a spoon. The mix was good, but the mix was gooey and not as satisfying as a cookie would have been. After asking my mom about it, she recommended cooking the sugar, milk and butter for 1 minute, take off heat and mix in the vanilla, oats, peanut butter and cocoa, then place a spoonful onto the wax paper. I didn't have wax paper last time so I used tin foil. The more I think about it, I do believe that the tin foil held the heat into the cookies too long, but I do not think that is the extent of my issues...

I boiled the mixture on medium heat and stirred is very often. It took me about 10 minutes to bring it to a boil. My mother told me instead of letting it boil for a moment, boil it longer. I counted to 100 once I noticed it boil and stirred it every so often. I pulled it off the heat and added the vanilla, then the oats, the cocoa and then the peanut butter, in the order that it was least likely to stick to the measuring spoon (I only had one 1/2 cup spoon on hand. Even as I was mixing it all together well I noticed that the mixture was hardening as I was mixing it well. I went and bought wax paper and used a spoon to make my cookies. Within 10 minutes after they were on the wax paper I could almost pull the cookies right off the wax paper. I gave them an hour before I pulled them off, and placed them onto a plate to set up the table for dinner and dessert.

I have become quite a cooking addict. Jay is at work currently, and I am watching "The Secret to My Success" until he comes home. My next experiment is tuna steaks tomorrow evening. I will update with the recipe we decide on one (there are so many out there on the internet to choose from).

Growing Up With Grandma

As long as I can remember I was at my grandmother's house quite often. She was a divorced woman in her late 50's when I was born. I remember playing outside her one story home when I was very young. One of my earliest memories of being with her is simple: She had a small table for me set up in the kitchen area for lunch time. I cannot remember exactly what I was eating, but I remember the layout of the kitchen, and especially the black and white checkered floor.

She moved quite a bit in my years. After leaving the one story home she moved about an hour's drive to live in a retirement home, but the irony is she was not retiring there. She was the manager of the building. I remember walking into the front doors of the home and then right into her apartment. It was small, but I remember taking up the whole living room to play with toys. The porch to this retirement home was nice. I remember eating strawberries coated in sugar here, and it quickly grew into my favorite snack.

I had an experience at this retirement home that I will never forget. I was outside on the sidewalk playing, and there was this very large dog sitting beside this older woman who had on dark sun glasses. I was (and still am) an animal lover. I was only five at the time, and I wanted to pet this woman's dog. She had a harness on her. My grandmother told me I had to ask, so I did, and the woman said I could. I remember asking a variety of questions about the dog. Why she was wearing the harness? Does she bite? How old is she? The lady said that she was a working dog, and was on guard when she was working. You see, the dog was a seeing eye dog for this woman.

During my stays at the retirement home with my grandmother she and I did a variety of crafts. I remember watching her crochet in her chair all the time while she puffed on a few cigarettes. She would sit in her pink and white flowered night gown for hours and just crochet. She also took needle and yarn and "sewed" designs into these plastic grids and made "jewelry" sets that I could wear to school on special holidays. She made a crown, braceless and ring set out of these grids with the yarn, and then she would glue on stickers or beads with a hot glue gun. I loved wearing them when I was younger to school, mainly because it was something different the other students did not have and I stood out.

She only stayed at this retirement home for a few years, then moved back home again to be closer to the family. She moved into a one story home again, and I must say I loved this house. It set in the country on a dirty road just off from a highway. The inside had wooden walls and floors. I can still smell the wood if I think about it hard enough. At this home I received my first set of spider bites all over my ankles. I remember sitting at the kitchen table making homemade noodles. I took puffy paint and made a design on a piece of scrap fabric my grandmother had in her craft collection. I also remember going through boxes with my grandmother one day and we found a set of bouncy balls she had bought for me, and I spent hours bouncing them up and down on the hardwood floor.

This home was located on my aunt's property, and she was building a newer, bigger house on the property just yards away. They had went out and adopted a mixed breed puppy. He was black and white, and I had a great time playing with him. I remember one of my parents dropping me off at night, and I walked into the kitchen and looked in this large cardboard box and there he was looking up at me. His name was Bullet. We played out in the yard for hours at a time, and even as he grew up into a 60 or 70 pound monster I must say he was probably one of my favorite dogs I was around growing up. My aunt's husband accidently ran him over with his truck one day when Bullet was about eight or nine. The dog couldn't hear well anymore, and had been lying out in the driveway. Tragic death.

My grandmother moved yet again closer into town where I lived. This was the home I spent most of my time in with her when I was growing up. This home was actually the home she had built with my grandfather when my dad and his siblings were younger. My aunt had purchased it from my grandmother when she had decided to move to the first home I described. My aunt and her husband lived in this home until the larger home they had been building together was completed.

In this particular home, I remember mostly baking cookies for Christmas gifts with my grandmother, and also watching a lot of America's Most Wanted. She also bought a long arm machine to put quilts together at one point when I was younger but she never learned exactly how to use it. The machine took up most of her front living room. The home was a small home, another one story, but it was big enough for the two of us to spend time together and also for us both to have alone time. I was always wondering off doing my own thing. I could entertain myself for hours at a time. I was a loner for the most part growing up, and I was fine with this.

The home had three bedrooms, and I always went to this one bedroom, the room with the navy blue carpet, to draw on a dry erase board or play with the Legos my grandmother had for me. I would build houses and play with the little man and the horse I remember purchasing myself with my allowance money.

My most vivid memory of my grandmother is her sitting in her armchair, the one that she always fell asleep in during the late afternoon, crocheting. She was no longer smoking after her lung cancer surgery. She would sit in that chair for hours while I played, colored or watched movies and crochet. I would watch mesmorized while she would wrap the yard around her right hand and the needle would pull it through all the loops she had of her project, which was mostly afgans. I had tried multiple times to learn how to work with yarn the way she did. I thought it was a beautiful motion. I grew up sleeping with many of the afgans she would give us for Christmas, and wanted to make one myself. As a child I would have never had the patience to make such a large project even if I had attempted, but I could not get the hang of crocheting if my life depended on it. I was proud of myself for learning how to make the first row chain, and I made one that went about forteen feet across the floor once.

In my early years I was more focused on drawing pictures, and many of the pictures I drew I still have today. Over the years I grew tired of drawing, and when I was sixteen I took a sewing class and learned how to make the Log Cabin quilt. Even this class was too much for me. I was exhausted by the time this class started at six in the evenings and I had already been up for twelve hours between getting ready for school and then going to school. I learned more at home sewing than I did at this class.

The irony of this: When I was 16 years old my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer for the second time. She was in her early 70's in 2004. I remember seeing her at family events the year and a half before she was diagnosed with an oxygen tank close behind her. She did not have it all the time. I remember being younger and we went on trips and she would have to sit down to catch her breath, and this was after her lung cancer surgery had been completed. This second time she was diagnosed there was nothing the doctors could do but let it run it's course. She was given until July to live, but she made it until September 1st. I had started taking this quilting class about the time she was diagnosed, and one day in April or May I went over to her house to ask her to show me how to make a draw-string bag for a little girl I had been babysitting at my sister's soccer games, and she showed me her latest projects.

She was making over 3o Log Cabin Quilt tops. Her intensions were to give them to family members for Christmas, the Christmas she knew she would not be around for. I had no idea this is what she was planning on doing with those tops until after she had passed away. When I took my glass I had learned to use a cutting mat and rotary cutter with a ruler, which is a very quick process to cut fabric. My grandmother used SCISSORS to make her fabric strips. Using scissors would take more than twice as long as the rotary cutter. I could not imagine using scissors, but she said it was easier for her than using the rotary cutter. The rotary cutter was more of a modern invention for quilters when I started using it. Scissors were something of the past and she had grown up using the scissors. Needless to say I was impressed, as always, with her.

She showed me how she laid the blocks out to decide what pattern she wanted in the quilts. She had hung a piece of batting up in her room with a rod and shower curtain hooks and used it to stick the fabric on and moved the blocks around. I was crawling on the floor trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my quilt and how to lay it out. My grandmother could not do that in her condition. Not only did she have lung cancer but she had a hump on her upper back that caused her to hunch over, and she had arthritus, and in my family you are cursed with bad knees the moment you are concieved. My grandmother was very independent in her years of life, she proved that one to me.

When she passed away I still did not know how to crochet. I had just started to learn how to cross stitch (I only completed a small project with it). Over the years I have started many sewing projects, mainly quilts, and many have gone uncompleted. I have only completed two quilts out of the near dozen I have started. About a year and a half ago I learned how to use the Knifty Knitter Looms, and I am proud to say I have completed many yarn projects with them. I have made many scarves, but my proudest is the afgan I made for my friend Jessi's daughter Mileigha. I plan on making more in the future. I loved sitting on my bed for hours counting rows and watching the same movie over and over again. I know I watched the first Harry Potter movie over a dozen times while I made the afgan. Since I made the afgan I have messed around with crochet, and am starting to get the idea of how to do it. I know I will never be near as good as my grandmother with the crochet, but I am very thankful that I had her in my life to teach me how to be crafty. I know partly because of her I am the person I am today, who enjoys sitting at home even on Friday or Saturday nights sewing quilts for loved ones. She loved doing things for others, and so do I.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

From the experiences I have had in the past, 20 months, I have learned quite a lot about the subject(s). I am a survivor of the illness, and battle with it daily. I have researched the topics, have wrote about them and have discussions with other people who have experienced dealing with anxiety and panic attacks.

Those who have panic attacks go through life dreading the time and where their next panic attack will occure. It could be at work, driving their car, going to a hair cut, walking through Walmart....Simple everyday tasks become a challege to those who live with this "disease." I have dealth with this anxiety since I was at least seven or eight years old, and my experience is simply minor compared to others.

Millions suffer every year with anxiety. Anxiety equal stress. Everyone experiences stress in their lives daily. A man may stress out a little when he wakes up and finds that he forgot to set his alarm on a Monday morning, therefore, he has slept in and may be late for work. His pulse quickens, his head may begin to hurt, but once he makes it into work he is fine. The stress stops. People who suffer with high anxiety, also knows as GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) this experience may seem like the end of the world.

Another man on the other side of town may wake up in the same situation. His heart will begin to race frantically, he will quickly debate on whether to take a shower or not, and while he is getting dressed and skipping the shower, he will worry that he should shower for work. On his way out the door he may begin to worry about what his coworkers or boss will say. Even once he is there, he will constantly worry and stress over being called into a private meeting with his boss about why he was late. Even though this may not happen to him at all, and there is no possibility of it happening, he will worry all day about it, and also worry well into the night and for weeks to come. He will worry about working harder to get to work sooner, constantly look and make sure for weeks or months at a time to make sure the alarm is set.

For some people with GAD this may not happen, but this is seriously what I will do, and have done in the past to make up for my mistakes in life.

Even when I sit down and realize I am being "ridiculous" and say "Man, Sam, you are acting really pathetic right now!" it is hard for me to calm down off my anxiety, which will result in a panic attack sometimes.

My anxiety started when I was in the first grade. I remember being in the lunch room trying to eat lunch, and all of a sudden I felt like I was going to vomit everywhere. I was told to stand by a trash can in the gym in front of everyone just in case I would get sick. I remember this happening a few times, and I was eventually taken to the doctor, who said I needed a sensitive diet. I remember eating in the school office one day because I was so nervous and felt sick again. What caused this was because of all the noise and the students around me. I couldn't focus on my food, and when they would talk loudly it just made me feel worse.

In junior high I do not remember having a lot of anxiety issues. I remember being quiet and distant from many. The anxiety was not so bad during these two years of my life. I remember having some wave of panics some days when I would become upset over a bad math grade (my worst subject) and I remember crying in the bathroom over it one day.

In high school my anxiety symptoms grew worse. Although at the time I did not know it was anxiety. I began becoming more upset over little things. I was constantly on edge around the students in the school. Once again in lunch I became anxious around the large group of people, and even my friends did not help sometimes. I felt myself shaking or feelind dizzy, and even when I closed myself I felt like my body just wanted to break down and cry. By the time I was a sophomore I noticed myself shaking more as the day would go on in school. I began to count down the hours, the minutes, the seconds until the bell ran and I could go home. Once I was in my room I felt fine, and I even wondered what was wrong with me while I was at school.

My anxiety was so bad that the three days before my graduation of high school I had no appetite and my stomach continued to bother me. I even kept fearing that I would suddenly get dizzy again and I would panic like I would, and wish to go to a quiet place to feel better. Thankfully, I made it through graduation with smiles. But, those three days and the two hour long graduation ceremony I was on edge. Up until I stepped outside in the June air did I feel any sense of relief.

After I graduated from high school I spent the summer working in an office at my college. During the three hours I worked in that office I felt like I wanted to scream but could not. Walking into that office I shook from head to toe, and I once again was counting the minutes when I would be able to leave there at 2 pm. Sometimes I did not get out of there until later, and the longer I was there my anxiety increased. The person who controlled my job made me completely nervous. She admitted to me that she was bipolar and that I did understand, and she was on medication for this. Day in and day out I would worry about her being snappy at me or making a comment. I was constantly preparing myself for being scolded for doing something wrong. I am a people pleaser, and working in this office I felt like I could do nothing right. Looking back at it today I do not blame the woman or myself for having such a hard time with the job: I do blame the anxiety I was having throug this whole experience.

The anxiety really impacted me when I went to work for the job I currently hold. I remember the first day I worked, orientation, I was a total basket case. The girl I was training with I had known growing up. We went to the same elementary school together, her older sister was (and still is) one of my best friends. Because she did not have a car I picked her up and drove her to work and we also left together the first few times we worked together. She was nervous, and admitted it, but her nervousness was what many would consider "normal."

My first day I felt like I was going to vomit everywhere. I was shaking so badly that I was holding onto the side of one of the storage racks that are in the back. The person that calmed me down was Matt. He and I graduated together, but we never talked in high school. He was a bandzy, and I kept to myself. I knew he was, he knew who I was, and that was it. He made jokes, showed Candace and I how to make sandwiches and just made us both laugh. I calmed and relaxed.

A few days later I remember feeling my chest tightening up. I remember feeling dizzy, and I felt if I took a few more steps I would fall apart. I had to go to the back and take a drink and relax myself before I could continue to work. Even after that, the following two hours was hell to make it through.

I continued to have these attacks there and it grew worse. I was crying for over an hour one day, had showed up in the middle of having a panic attack. I had been antsy all day, felt odd, and then when I was heading to work I was stuck in construction traffic for over ten minutes. The whole time I felt like I was going to die.

After having a panic attack about once every week or two weeks, by the end of that summer I finally decided it was time to see a doctor about what I was experiencing. I first talked to a friend of mine who was on medication for anxiety, and she referred me to the school counselor. After an hour of talking, crying and shaking, Tracy referred me to the doctor on campus who specialized more-so in anxiety and depression medication.

I was prescribed Lexipro. The first 4 days I was on it I was nausiated, but eventually that side affect went away. After a week or two on the medication I was waking up in the middle of the night over and over again. The doctor told me my medication was not strong enough so she doubled my dose. A week later I was fine. I felt happy, I was not constantly worried over anything and everything. I stressed when there was actually something to be stressed about.

How I have come to understand my diagnoses was because I have a long history of having panic attacks. Also, anxiety does run in my family. My father has panic attacks himself, but he has learned to control it without medication. Also, chemical embalances in the brain can affect how a person reacts. My chemicals were not balanced and the Lexipro balanced me out. I was happier, felt healthier and like I could not be stopped from being happy.

I could go to Walmart without worrying that I was going to panic because there was a long line of people at the registers. I could go get a hair cut without having a panic attack for no apparent reason in the middle of the lady cutting my hair. I was able to feel comfortable driving on the interstate short distances and by myself which I never felt comfortable doing before. I was 21 years old before I was driving on the interstate alone without someone beside me keeping me company and keeping my mind off my stress. I felt great!

After being on the medication and talking to the doctor about a long term prescription I told her I noticed I had less headaches than I use to have. I had a headache what seemed like everyday or every other day, which was all caused from stress. I didn't feel urges to vomit or run to the bathroom, nor was I irritable or felt dizzy. My fatigue slowly vanished.

Today I have tried to stop taking the Lexipro. I am not addicted to the drug. I stopped taking it for two months, and then slowly I started realizing that my headaches and tension were coming more and more again. One day I sat in class about to take a simple test and I suddenly had this urge to vomit again. Once I calmed myself in the bathroom for five minutes I went and completed my test and felt just fine. When I went home I immediatly started taking my prescription again.

After another two months I stopped taking it again, and up until here in the past month or so my anxiety was low. Here recently I have been experiencing waves of panic, sadness and muscle tension. My headaches are not there like they use to be, but when I do have one it's close to migrain levels. I feel the panic and when I do it starts in my chest. I try to ignore it. Most of the time here lately I have been successful.

Mind over matter here lately is where I have been at. When I explain some of my "issues" to people I have come to find they have experienced similar experiences before. Some have not and do not understand it. I have to keep an open mind to people that do not and have not experienced this or seen people have panic attacks.

The woman that I worked for in the office asked me one day how I was doing and we slowly grew into discussion about panic attacks and medication. She had started experiencing panic attacks and anxiety growing and told me about how she had to pull over on the interstate in Columbus because she thought she was dying. At the hospital the nurse told her to shake it off but she could not. She eventually went into a quiet room and soon later was fine. She told me that over the years she has seen people have similar attacks, and never understood them herself, not until she had to experience one and was continuing to experience them.

I have told many that once you experience these types of attacks do you understand what those who have to suffer with GAD and Anxiety go through on a day to day basis. Some people do seek medical attention and receive medication the way I did, and some use counseling and theropy to deal with their Anxiety and GAD.

After I started taking the medication and feeling great, I realized what I lost out on because of my discomfort. I didn't go to parties I was invited to. I went to Walmart at night when the crowd was less of an issue. I hated to shop long hours for clothes and gifts because I was always afraid of having a panic attack. I wish I had started taking medication long before I did.

I know not everyone will understand what I am trying to communicate. I know that some may understand the "disease" more, or may think that those who suffer with it are seriously crazy. Believe me, I do think I am crazy or act crazy sometimes. I hate when I think or feel that way because it does make me feel down upon myself. I do hope that some day I can look back on this post and realize what I experienced many years before and just thank God that I no longer have to experience the "unnatural" affects of GAD and Anxiety.

Cold

Well, the weater has indeed been taking a toll on my body here lately. When it is this cold (which Saturday the temperature was in the negatives) all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep under my warm covers with Murphy right beside me.

Saturday I loaded up my baby girls and drove to West Jefferson to meet their new owner. It was a sad day, and until that night I did not shed a tear. I knew nighttime would be the hardest because that was when they would squeal and run around like crazy. When I would come up the stairs (or anyone for that matter) they would make a lot of noise. I am still getting use to the silence. Saturday night it was very quiet in my room. I continued to stare at the empty hole where their cage was. I was asleep early. I find it pretty sad when I'm 23 years old and I am in bed before midnight on a Saturday.

The new owner is awesome, though. She has been sending me pictures of them and updating me on how they are doing. Both are seem very happy where they are at. I know that she is taking great care of them. Red (or Lyla is her new name) started to have an issue with her left eye. Wednesday we shall find out exactly what is wrong with her eye. The new owner was very willing to take her even after I told her that I saw something going wrong with her eye, and that I am very greatful for. With that action I knew she would care for my girls no matter what was going to happen.

Sunday I went to work for 3.5 hours, and after I came home and ate dinner I immediatly went up to my room and started cleaning. I completely vacuumed and rearrange almost everything in there. I even figured out how to hook up my new DVD player. I am completely clueless when it comes to electronics, so I was pretty proud of myself. I spent the rest of the evening (and while I was cleaning) watching the SVU Marathon on USA.

After showering and blowdrying my hair I spent an hour or so talking to Jay. Friday will mark 20 days without seeing him. It has been hard, but thankfully the time has flown quickly. I miss him and his company he provides. He makes me laugh and smile at the smallest, most random moments. I am still trying to get use to his humor. When it comes down to humor I have a hard time catching onto it. I've never been a humorous person, but I enjoy listening to people who use it.

I have 3 full days left until Friday, and once class is over on Friday at 1 pm I am rushing to my vehicle and making the 2 plus hour drive to Chillicothe. I am looking forward to the drive. I'll turn my GPS on, set my destination, turn the radio to my favorite country station and go. I have driven to Chillicothe twice and have absolutally loved it. I can relax and have some piece and think as I drive. I thought I would have to pull over for a break the first time I drove it, but I have been telling myself "One more exit" and eventually I do not even stop.

The weather Friday is suppose to be nice, and Saturday and Sunday is suppose to be iffy with snow showers. I am planning on venturing back to Cambridge around 2 or 3, most likely 3. Hopefully the days in between Jay and I seeing each other again are less than 20. With the weather, tax season and school starting up all at once it has been difficult, but I'm sure somehow we will manage :)

My Best Buddy

I thought today I would take the time to write about my cat. I have been sitting in my bed "Indian" style, with my lap top pulled towards me wrapped in my quilt...Yet here he sits right on my lap curled up. He is using my right arm as a pillow and has his paw right on my hand as I write.

He has always done similar things like this since he was a baby. I cannot remember if I have wrote about him before in my first few blogs or not, but I feel chatty this evening, so I will tell the story of how our fates came together.

My senior year of high school my ex moved out of his home, so he decided to adopt a cat. Her name is Jinx, and she is mixed between a calico and a pure-bred siamese. I walked into our local aquatics store, and they seemed to always be doing someone a favor by trying to find homes for their litters of puppies, kittens or pets they needed to rehome. That day I walked in there just happened to be four kittens in a cage, all meowing and wanting attention. As soon as the door opened all four were right on me dying for someone to pay attention to them.

There had been five kittens, but one had already been adopted. Out of the four kittens two appeared to be calico and the other two were siamese looking. They were tiny, just wheened at 5 weeks old. Their mother had stopped nursing them, so they had been bottle fed from Day 3 of their lives, and thrived on human contact.

I kept Jinx with me for about two months, probably a little less than that. When Jeremy took her to live with him my mother finally allowed me to adopt a cat of my own. I had visited Jeremy's aunt and uncle's cow farm, had a kitten picked out for when she was wheened. When we went back to Jeremy's house he had been renting with some friends, they had rescued two little male tiger stripes from under the house. Both scared and untamed.

I spent a few days sitting in the back room they were kept in for hours, waiting for them to come out from behind their hiding spot behind the washing machine. I tried food, toys, anything for them to come to me. One was a lot smaller than the other, and the larger one had white paws and a white mark on his face, which looked like a scar. The smaller one was strictly a brown tiger striped cat. I had come to the conclusion they were siblings and that their mother was the black cat lingering around the house for months.

When the two were fed the older one would growl and protect his own. I could tell outside they hadn't had a whole lot to eat. Surprisingly they both were very clean.

After a few days, they eventually started coming to me. I knew I wanted one, would have loved to adopt them both so they would stay together, but I was only allowed one. I knew which one I wanted when he came up to me and fell asleep in my lap. He was still weary around me, but comfortable enough he fell asleep on my left leg. I chose the larger, dominating, white pawed kitten. The younger one became my friend Jessi's, and he was named Lil Jon. Sadly, two years later Lil Jon passed away from kidney failure.

When I brought Murphy home we all had assumed both cats had been girls. I had named him Belle. I always have wanted a female cat named Belle after "Beauty and the Beast." For two weeks I assumed he was a she. When I placed him in my room for the first time I had him on my bed. At the time my box springs and mattras was on the floor, and my mattras just happened to not align up with the box springs then, and it was pushed against the wall. This was his little spot he made his domain for a few days.

Every time I walked into my room the first few days he would hiss and go to his little area. I eventually placed a towel there, and that was where he would sleep. I would lie in bed at night and pet him. Every day he grew use to me. I still remember him crawling up and down my leg, digging his little nails into the thigh of my jeans to play with string.

He remained in my room for a week, but when I would bathe I would take him into the bathroom with me and he would sleep on a towel or play. It is a small bathroom so he was comfortable. The running water didn't scare him. When I was finished I would pick him up and take him back to my room.

Eventually I opened my room up to him to walk around the upstairs hallway and the bathroom. He slowly grew use to that. It was about a week after I adopted him that he was comfortable to go downstairs to explore, but only when I was around did I allow him to do that. We had a one year old Bloodhound at the time and we had just adopted a Basset Hound puppy named Scooby just days before or after we adopted Murphy. Scooby was not much bigger than he was. Murphy was about 8 weeks old when I brought him home and Scooby was 6 weeks old. Eventually those two were wrestling buddies. I cannot tell you how many times Scooby sat on his head or how many times Murphy would go for a ride on top of Scooby's head. Scooby eventually grew to be a 60 pound dog, and Murphy is a very large cat weighing in about 18 pounds now, and to this day they both tolerate each other. Being 6 years old Scooby moves a little slower, and Murphy still can act much like a kitten when he wants to, but they no longer play like they did when they were little.

When Murphy was growing up, I would sit in my room in an old arm chair my dad had while I was growing up and write on a laptop all my stories and ideas I had flowing through me. Murphy was often right there with me, sitting on the arm of the chair, or on my bed snoozing right beside me. Eventually he started cuddling up on my lap like he was (he just left to go eat).

When I am at home he follows me everywhere. It isn't very often I sit in my room and wonder where he disappeared to. Sometimes at night I lie down to sleep and he isn't beside me or at the foot of my bed. It bothers me sometimes when I lie down and he doesn't want to be in bed with me, but when I wake up the next morning he is most likely right beside me sleeping.

When I spend my days in Chillicothe visiting Jay I miss him. By the time I am driving away my mind always thinks of him and how much I miss him. Due to the weather here recently I have been spending my nights at Nichole and Bree's rental house snoozing on their couch. When I come home after school he's happy to see me. I always know when he misses me at night because he will either meow at me constantly, or snuggle up close when I am in my bed working on school work. Sometimes he meows at me when he is ready to go to bed. If I am up sewing late, he's right in my face. Eventually he gets the message across to me he is ready to go to bed.

Some people say cats do not have personality, and if they do it is a bitchy, hissy personality. Murphy has more personality than I ever thought a cat ever possessed in them. He knows what he wants and when he wants it, and it doesn't revolve around his stomach most of the time either. Do not get me wrong, he loves his food. At 18 pounds and overweight anyone could tell. I never thought I would have a cat this devoted to me, but he is. He thrives on my attention, and when I am not at home he eventually goes and causes chaos for my younger siblings, trying to sit on their laps as they attempt to do their hair (oh yes he does this to me too, unless I have the blow dryer). He sheds like no other too! My bed is constantly covered in dark cat hair. You can always tell where he sleeps at.

I have no idea what I would do without him. I refuse to move and leave him behind when I graduate, find my own place and continue on with my life. I know that finding an apartment to live in with a cat will be a challege, it always is when you have pets. It is far easier to find an apartment to live in if you are a smoker than a cat owner. I am prepared for that challege of finding a place that will allow him to be there with me. Home would not be home unless he was with me. I would go insane alone at night without him there in bed sleeping with me.

In Current News....

Well, the last time I updated my blog I mentioned having two jobs. That was my last night at job number two. With Christmas time being over, tax season approaching and people not out to shop currently business is down, which means hours are down. I have not been scheduled for four weeks now, and decided it was the perfect opportunity to turn in a two weeks notice. The decision to resign from that job was on the back burner for a time. Going to college and working two jobs just does not work out at all. There is not enough time in a day to work on everything one needs to, plus obtain a decent night's sleep. My stress level is down, thankfully, yet my anxiety levels have increased. I believe it is time to start taking my prescription for anxiety yet again.

The time of year is effecting my work at my first job as well. Hours are being cut, our closing times have become earlier, and customers are not coming in like they were. Similar things happened last year, but I expect they will improve eventually. Sadly, just have to cut back on expenses as well. Fingers crossed I can make that car payment, put gas in my car to go to school and pay for my cell phone. I guess at a time like this it is when you become grateful for student loans. I have going into debt, but right now it is the decision I had to make to take a few extra bucks out of the school, mainly for gas money, but it will also help pay for the car payment until my income increases again.

School started this week, and I am proud to say that I went to every class this week with the exception (I thought of you, Jay, typing that word) of my first class on Monday, due to the fact that I didn't even know I was going to take the course until after the class had ended that day. So far classes seem to be going along very well. Right now I am just taking one day at a time and just enjoying the slow time to think and be able to focus myself on my readings. Seminar is this semester, which means a 25 to 30 page essay on the novel "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens. It isn't the essay or the mounds of research I will be doing that has me scared: It's the 7 minute presentation on my subject that has butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Dr. DeCuir was generous and said he was only asking for a 7 minute presentation instead of 10. We will be presenting to friends and family who show up, plus the whole English Department staff and student who come along. Oh, butterflies, please go away!

Also, due to lack there of time to devote to my girls, they will be going to a new home here very soon. Thanks to an awesome Forum for Guinea Pigs, I found them a home that already has three females, and both my girls will be able to go live together. It is very sad to see them go, but due to the lack there of home time in the past few months due to other obligations I felt the best thing for Red and Mocha was to find them someone who could hold them daily and spend more time caring for them. They deserve to be held and petted daily, and not in their cage trying to entertain themselves. Luckily they both have each other. Early most mornings I can hear them chasing each other around their cage. It is very cute listening, but even cuter watching.

Murphy will be staying with me, wherever I move to after I graduate this May he is coming along for the ride. I refuse to leave my best friend behind at my parents' home. It is hard enough as it is away from him for an evening some nights when I stay on the school campus with a friend or if I am 2 hours from home visiting Jay. Currently he is lying at the end of my bed snoozing. I am positive he will be in my face around 8 in the morning to place food into his bowl, even though food is already there. Spoiled kitty.

Hopefully I will find more time again to update here soon. It is after 3 in the morning and I have work at 11 until 4. I just thought I would update to help calm my mind before I went to sleep. If there is one positive experience from this blog is that I can produce some typing time, even if it is not a narrative. I'm currently waiting for inspiration to hit me so I can write something again. I love days when I sit down and suddenly an idea comes to mind, and I sit and type it all out within half a dozen hours. I always enjoy going back months later to see my creativity. There are some days I read my creations and wonder how I came up with what I wrote. Sometimes I wonder if I actually did write a phrase I placed into my work. Unless someone broke into my external hard drive or my personal laptop and placed it there, than yes, I came up with it all on my own.